We’ve heard it all before. If a man has sex with a considerable amount of women he gets a slap on the back, a wink and a handshake from his mates. But if a woman clocks up a tally of notches on her bedpost she’s instantly branded a slag. A slut. A whore. A slut by definition alone means a slovenly or promiscuous woman. But what if you have a partner or if you don’t and just really enjoy sex? Why the vast different in both reaction and opinion? Why is there such a stigma when it comes to women and sex?

Is it because men expect women to be Stepford wife-esque: ladylike in their appearance with manners and jobs around the house to match? News to the not-so-wise, it’s 2017 and equality goes much further than the boardroom now. It reaches to the bedroom and beyond. Some women have more balls in the bedroom than men. Most men can be intimidated by females who are sexually confident- but it’s something that intrigues them. How dare we take as much pleasure from the act as they do! How crass that we enjoy the more risqué interactions that sex has to offer! How unfair that we get to pretend when a man doesn’t live up to expectations between the sheets!

Does it ultimately come down to an individual’s confidence, drive and personality? Why is it such a taboo subject that people feel like can’t really discuss?

I think Sex and the City did a lot to make women feel liberated sexually. The characters were wide open with their sex lives; a subject that the show was largely based around, and women took Carrie, Miranda, Charlotte and Samantha to their hearts. Not a single topic sexually was too crude to be covered (who remembers the funky tasting spunk and the guy who over-ate Miranda?). Although your first reaction when watching it was either shock or laughter, it soon became second nature to watch the women toy with men who’s bodily parts were too big, too small or who had hairy backs. The title of the show said it all- definitely wearing its heart on its sleeve there!

Let’s not forget that so-called ‘mummy porn’ books have recently been hugely successful. The phenomenon that is Fifty Shades of Grey, the series written by E L James, has sold over 125 million copies worldwide. That’s a lot of books sold based on a predominant storyline of a rich businessman who entices a young virgin into his world of sadomasochism. Even you sly Kindle readers, who downloaded it and sat on the bus or by the pool, who were offered anonymity only by the lack of a book cover screaming the fact you were eagerly awaiting Ana signing into Christian’s contract of having atrociously aggressive sex. We know you loved it just as much as the next person (okay okay, it was a love story too). It taught me nothing, except sex definitely sells. 

Some of the funniest and much outrageously entertaining conversations I’ve had with my girlfriends have been about our sex lives. We discuss everything. We’ve even demonstrated positions with each other. Not a single scrap of information goes amiss- we analyse and interpret each moment, in some cases right down to comparing technique (if you’re cringing you really should open your mind a little bit more, you never know you might learn something or live). Of course, the emotional side of it does come into it and if we’re having relationship problems we’ll help each other by discussing that as and when, but we’ve always been super open when it comes to matters of the bedroom.

I’ve got friends who have only ever had one sexual partner. Some have had a handful and others have had considerably more, to us it really doesn’t matter. It just means the ones who have had more often have some hilarious stories to tell. But some of the kinkier stories can come from the ones with the lone partner- those loved-up ladies are filth! We’ve all shared experiences and discussions that leave us either rolling on the floor crying laughing or more than revved up for when we get home. The single ones usually have battery operated devices to assist in their hours of need, either that or a booty call on redial.

Everybody’s sex drive is on a different level: some only have it once a month, others fortnight, others daily and others swinging from the rafters at any given opportunity! But if you’re amongst the lower spectrum, it doesn’t give you the right to be prudish and frown upon the folk who get their jollies more often than it rains in Manchester. Nor does it make judging people who talk about sex acceptable. In my eyes it’s each to their own: life’s too short to not enjoy life to its full capacity, to not live vicariously where possible and experiment with everything that gives you pleasure. Others choose not to. I’ll guess they’ll never know what they’ve missed out on (but let’s not tell them, eh?)

But where does the distinction lie when it comes to women and sex? If you have a long-term partner and enjoy sex, does that still make you a slag? Absolutely not. It could make you a bit of a nymphomaniac and very passionate, but definitely not a slag. Sowing your wild oats with different individuals every weekend would be more likely to attract that kind of label, but then what is wrong with that? If you’re playing it safe and not looking for an immediate partner, then you’re just fulfilling a need and desire. One that most lads set out to fulfil when they’re getting tanned up, going to the gym and gelling their Iced Gem hair before hitting the Grey Goose and Jager on a Saturday evening.

But it’s not a problem for them remember- they’re the exception to the rule. That’s the problem with rules, they’re so binding.

No wonder they were made to be broken.


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